There's always a smile on face but inside heart nobody knows

Sunday, May 29, 2011

long sleep

this is 2nd day i slept long time. from 9pm until 9am.i just love to stay in dream...meeting people, go unknown place with someone i love to meet...but really not all we can hav it. sometime dreaming running all the time...tired.

what should i do..... go out? for what? waste money? i dont like be like this. i wish i can forget all this thing.maybe died? kill myself? drink poison? who care? i just want have better life n live with someone i love......why life is so hard?

Saturday, May 28, 2011

28 minute/1680second in train with rm35

Last week, I got the last 28 minute and its was the good moment I have in my life. have u done that?

a short conversation and i shared everything and i cried in front of public. then my friend said..let it go...let people know who u r.then i felt better. i want to tell everyone i miss u..i meant it.

Tommy Page -A Shoulder To Cry on

Life is full of lots of up and downs,
And the distance feels further when you're headed for the ground,
And there’s nothing more painful than to let you're feelings take you down,
It's so hard to know the way you feel inside,
When there's many thoughts and feelings that you hide,
But you might feel better if you let me walk with you by your side,

And when you need a shoulder to cry on,

When you need a friend to rely on,
When the whole world is gone,
You won't be alone, cause I'll be there,
I'll be your shoulder to cry on,
I'll be there,
I'll be a friend to rely on,
When the whole world is gone,
You won't be alone, cause I'll be there.

All of the times when everything is wrong

And you're feeling like there's no use going on
You can't give it up
I'll help you work it out and carry on

Side by side, With you till the end

I'll always be the one to firmly hold your hand
no matter what is said or done
our love will always continue on

Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on

Everyone needs a friend to rely on
When the whole world is gone
You won't be alone cause I'll be there (ooh)
I'll be your shoulder to cry on
I'll be there (I’ll be there)
I'll be your friends to rely on
when the whole world was gone
you won't be alone
cause I'll be there (ooh)
You’ll have my shoulder to cry on
I'll be there (I’ll be there)
I’ll be the one to rely one
And when the whole world is gone
You won’t be alone
Cause I’ll be there!

And when the whole world is gone

You'll always have my shoulder to cry on....

boulevard by dan byrd--- why everyone left me alone here?

sob sob..... i knew every beginning will be ending. every person will died, every starting will finish....but other thing is..why people always left me behind.... did i bad guy? or not good enough? ugly? not honest? lazy?

i just want real life, something make me day is beautiful...... and i wish to tell everyone i met, "hey look in front of u a nice man waiting for something special..why not just grab n stay together n make love forever". so empty anyway...i dont know how much i must say that..i'm tired already but i'm still hoping will meet that day.

I don’t know why, You said goodbye
Just let me know you didn’t go forever my love
Please tell me why, You make me cry
I beg you please I'm on my knees
if that's what you want me to

Never knew that it would go so far
When you left me on that boulevard
Come again you would release my pain
And we could be lovers again

Just one more chance, Another dance
And let me feel it isn’t real that I’ve been losing you
This sun will rise, Within your eyes
Come back to me and we will be happy together


Maybe today, I’ll make you stay
A little while just for a smile and love together
For I will show, A place I know
In Tokyo where we could be happy forever

Thursday, May 26, 2011

just a story

like usual, i will get headache when i have something to write but pending for long time.

like usual i dont mind to write anything i want..because i think i'm honest...n i must write hwt i want write.

so for those people read this..... pls dont misunderstood and tried accept me as i'm.

i always write about my friend here, because i love them, i miss them and i miss the moment i have with them. when they not around days not complete with them.yeah only some people know who am i.....n i'm sure my family member don't know me 100% like i sharing with my friend.

so let me start the story here........

last week on friday, i really totally down, cry, lost n felt sad because i missed too much my friend. i dont know what i should do....i tried make myself busy, do painting, do cross stitch, exercise, gym,but still i miss them. i miss to laugh, joke, smiling, watching tv on sofa, go out, eat together even more than that.

i'm lucky because one of my friend make a call from far to make me felt better. i appreciate it. was good talk, sharing and laugh.but deep inside my heart....i want more...i hate the life alone..... kind of bored with life.maybe i like a bit commitment..make me forget about world.....

i'm still remember what i wrote to my friend ..."felt like dont want continue life tomorrow" because i will alone and always alone at home. after finished the call..i decided to take shower n pray because i confused..... very down n love to talk with God. so i tell Him everything although i know its crazy n impossible. i just told Him..give me a chance to hav good friend again....someone make my day complete..crazy, funny, full of joke, educated, no hiding something...thats all i dont want more..just a good moment.

then i just gave up with my life...a little bit cry on bed..thinking of my life...if i rich i will leave kuala lumpur n go somewhere..which belongs to me.i just want run my routine of life..n doing something interesting in my life. but its all just dream...then i took shower for 2nd time to make me feel better or calm down. suddenly i heard a sms come in to my phone around 1230am. i just ignore it because maybe a sms from office.

when i ready to sleep, i checking my phone..surpised because i got a sms from my best friend at france looking for help..helping his friend in thats the i know he left kl already. honestly he is lovely person, funny, crazy, full of joke n of course "stupid". hahahha

he agree with that. i have great time with him as friend. he already attached and have good lover and i respect that. God gave me chance to meet wonderful person in my life. i dont know what can i say here, we laughing, joke, dancing, go out together, sharing story, life n he is funny too...... its was miracle for me because i thought i will bored n lonely again.

now i just have good memory with me......the life need to be continue.... hopefuly will meet new friend and old friend , make my life interesting n of course crazy. i'm active person n i like to explore everything in my life.thanks for God, david, khaled, john,chris , sharifuddin n everyone make me feel better.

my malaysia.....

a gift for my friend...... just quick idea and hopefully ...its look good

memory with a friend of friend, khaled

Friday, May 20, 2011

finale tv seriess

hmmmmmmm i dont like this......i'm a fan of some tv series since i study at university..latest i watch tv series is smallville, americas next top model, american idol and new one is breakouts.

pity smallville finalle was 2 week ago....americas next top model this week, next week is american what i gonna do? seems a bit bored soon. anyway time for cross-stitch.anyone know any nice tv series except heroes, prison break, terminator sarah dconnor and walking dead..just inform me..i like to explore n download it. huhuh

i like crime, investigation supernatural, zombie

a little bite of sweetness

last nite was a stressful mind and down feeling for me. only some special friend know that. kind of less self-motivate, lonely, bored, confuse, give up and desperate. as human..its always happen to everyone..... i'm not shy write this story....because i want tell everyone...i'm not only fun and active person, at same time i have sentimental feeling, sensitive, need attention and of course love.

honestly i can say i'm hyperactive person..i can't sit quite without thinking.....when i start feel loneliness i will go crazy, crying, feel guilty and i'm desperate. i mean that.last night i was 100% person give up, only god know....n last night i told to my friend in sms...i wish i don't want continue life for with a lot of load work, miss someone, loneliness, miss, miss and miss. i miss the moment with my best friend......talking, laughing, smiling, chasing, joking...n etc. that's me

then my friend called me last night and a bit cheer up for me. love that conversation, the attention gave to me. really appreciate. i need more to compare virtual communication.

so i decided taking shower n make me cool shower i heard 2 sms come in......i just ignore it because i want cry in shower until i feel better. n i did n feel so better. after that i quickly get my phone and i saw a sms from my best friend at france. he asked me a big favour. hahha... i thought i gonna died tonight but suddenly God gave me a task for last night n few day. haahha

i know him 4 years ago, a labenese guy but working at he informed me..his friend just arrived in kl n will stay for 5 day, need help because he lost and disappointed with kl. i ask him why? what wrong? finally he told me..his friend was located in budget hotel at petaling street, he scared with that area, because 1st time at a culture shock for him. at same time....he arrived at chinatown when all the bargain shop is closed...messy with garbage n totally look worst. at same time he was V.I.P person....

at the beginning after i called that guy, he dont want my help because its was late n worry bother me. after my friend advice him and convince him...he called me back to come my house. i said ok... because i want he see kl at day time...don't judge at night time.of course look scary. i took him at chinatown. when i met him.... complaining, he nearly cry...i felt so touching...because i just finished crying too. so i understand his feeling that time. he was nice person..n just can't accept what happen to him last night. we talk a lot in taxi n i'm so happy because i have guest at my home. he also feel safe, happy with my house...especially my painting, the cleanliness and so on. i was so happy.

u know when u cry...i'm sure u want someone beside u to make u feel better. i assume same with him. luckily he take my word and forget the past. so i asked him take shower because the time already early morning. i need to sleep for tomoroow. he was sleep well, i can see how tired he is.

this morning..he was surprised with my garden.....he start explore what kl it is. twin tower, public bank n funny. i send him to his hotel back because he will start the training as trainer around 9am and change to new hotel. anyway was happy helping people. thanks god...because gave me a little bite of sweetness in my life.anyway....i'm still here and my day not so bored like i think b4. i just need something new to hit me back.

i was thinking my life all time...its was great time having friend in this afternoon...i decided to buy cross-stitch n hope this weekend i will concentrate with more think about loneliness. i hate it but as human we will miss the great moment with our friend. i will make a bouquet flower in metal vase 60cmx50cm. to all my friend..pls dont stay away from me. i need u to make my life complete. i NEED u and i miss u.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

hold it agains me by britney spears

Hey over there
Please forgive me
If I'm coming on too strong
Hate to stare
But you're winning
And they're playing my favorite song

So come here
'Little closer
Wanna whisper in your ear
Make it clear
Little question
Wanna know just how you feel

If I said my heart was beating loud
If we could escape the crowd somehow
If I said I want your body now
Would you hold it against me

Cause you feel like paradise
And I need a vacation tonight
So if I said I want your body now
Would you hold it against me

Hey you might think
That I'm crazy
But you know I'm just your type
I might be 'little hazy
But you just cannot deny

There's a spark in between us
When we're dancing on the floor
I want more
Wanna see it
So I'm asking you tonight

If I said my heart was beating loud
If we could escape the crowd somehow

If I said I want your body now
Would you hold it against me

Cause you feel like paradise
And I need a vacation tonight
So if I said I want your body now
Would you hold it against me

If I said I want your body
Would you hold It against me?

(Yeah) (Uh huh) (Oh)

Gimme something good
Don't wanna wait I want It now (na-na-now)
Pop It like a hood
And show me how you work It out


If I said my heart was beating loud

If I said I want your body now
Would you hold it against me

If I said my heart was beating loud
If we could escape the crowd somehow
If I said I want your body now
Would you hold it against me

Cause you feel like paradise
And I need a vacation tonight
So if I said I want your body
Now would you kiss me goodbye
Cuz ma name is britney and I am so sexy lol:D xxxxx

perak story

My mind keep thinking, remind me to write this…but..

Where I should start?

And why I should write this?

I just wanna tell u, those read my blog… especially all my friend…how much I appreciate all of u the whole my life and of course I love u and I miss u too.

At the beginning of trip..everything was fine, wake up early. Leaving kl around 8am, the highway was good and we reached at Bidor to teluk intan.

At teluk intan we visit teluk intan leaning tower…..kind of Malaysian we called as a Malaysia pisa tower…look same…but different material of construction. Lol seems funny but it’s the truth. We walked in teluk intan city, taking some photo, have lunch nasi lemak n drink.

Then we continue the journey to batu gajah, perak. On the way to batu gajah, we cross paddy field, rubber estate, palm oil n also Kampar town. The scene nary was great with hills and tree. My friend and me talk a lot of life, friend, and etc. was nice..its make me more comfortable n of course miss some people special in my life.

At Kampar town, we realize the shop lot there really interesting and nice. Took some photo n really amazing. Pity the owner n government not take care of that. So embarrassing. Then we continue to batu gajah.

At batu gajah, we visit kellie castle…its also amazing castle…..i’m so lucky can visit that castle. I was wish for long time ago…n now I hav the chance to see with my eyes. Really enjoy taking photo and castle also great. Lovely.

Then we decided went to kuala kangsar. I decided to go there because many nice place there…the old palace, new place, ubudiah mosque, royal museum and malay college. After that I called my officemate and asked her for advice….pangkor island or taiping…which one the best….. so the answer is taiping.

We lucky because at taiping have amazing lake with hills, misty and trees. The best time to visit is at evening time. We got time although rushing to reach that place. Its was beginning time…lucky n lucky we can snap some photo shot with sunlight.its amazing..realy amazing. Near to evening..we decided to stay at taiping and come again to the lake. After finished took some photo…heavy rain come and we just look at the internet n found the hotel.

We also lucky because found nice, great and amazing hotel at last minute from agoda website. My friend just reserve n we rush to the hotel. Another lucky things….we saw the rainbow from sky with hill view. Wow so amazing evening.we reached hotel late…but still can see the best of the hotel.

We just taking shower n upload the photo to the computer. We can’t wait to see..what we done at that day. We only can say..nice , lovely and amazing. Then took shower n go to city for dinner. Yeah very hungry…eating chicken tom yam, telur bungkus, kalian fried with salty dry fish and drink. Its nice n delicious. B4 left city, I bought kfc burger in case hungry at night. The hotel still new…so no food in hotel. Back to hotel n sleep

At morning….we have delicious breakfast, very cool, peaceful with garden n environment at hotel. After taking breakfast, we decided to take photo, waterfall, bird, mushroom, landscape, trees, light from sun..wonderful and so nice. Completely different. Then we just check out n ready to go lake.

Suddenly at main junction we decided to go bukit larut or Maxwell hill.we thought its only take one hour climb up and one hour climb down. They provided land rover…..but they start late and we decided to take walk. My officemate already warn me, don’t walk to the top because its too long journey n take long hour..but I don’t know why I decided to climb..n my friend just follow…hahha

Maybe the god knew what will happen……. Its was painful, hard, extreme I done in my life. The hill tooke 11 km go up and 11 km go down. At beginning of climbing..was happy because nice trees like canopy, taking some photo, interesting hill and listen the sound from waterfall. Then from kilometer to kilometer…we realize the top is too far to reach my friend’s foot already hurt and same with me.without water..only god know how difficult for us that time. Finally I decided to drink water from waterfall because I’m exhausted and my friend don’t want drink it. No choice. After nearly 3 hour climb the hill…. We reach the top…n I open my shoe…feel the soft grass…that’s the best ever I have in the world. Feel wanna cry because its too extreme climb the hill without exercise. Lucky we always go gym n have stamina. At the top we meet others couple climb the top..thats was the great we r the best from people took land rover. i tried call someone to share what happen on me that day..but no answer. Just sharing my happiness, difficulties climb up n saw great thing.

The crazy thing I done in my life is … find bottle in dustbin because we need take some water from waterfall on the way climb down to below. Finally my friend decided to drink the water. Its was great moment I have in my life. Lucky my friend is positive thinking n I really strong mind to continue the journey. No restaurant, no souvenir shop at the top…totally crap n crazy. We took some photo at top n going down.

Not use much energy but still tired n exhausted. We wash the bottle from dustbin n drink the water from waterfall much much we can..the best moment..arghhhhhhhhhhhhh so nice. On the way going down…the rain start n heavy…no land rover to stop taking us down. I scare the thunder, rain in rainforest…yeah kind of worry. That’s time I start thinking about all my friend and family. We stop at tea house but the house is empty waiting until the rain stop. We sharing about life there, something touching moment. I was cried actually thinking those people I miss, love n waiting. I miss them

This journey and moment, make me mature about life.the difficulties climb up, get water, achieve the target and etc. I can’t write here..hard to explain..i wish my english more better what I have now. I miss Patrice, john, tj and Patrick….thats why I’m cry..n hide it from my friend.dont want he think bad. After we saw the rain nearly stop..we continue the journey…… suddenly the heavy rain coming….both of us totally crazy under the rain because hard to find check point. We wet together like a kid play rain. Was great the moment with my friend. I’m sure I will never ever play rain like that in emergency n difficulties time. We totally wet. Cold, wet and etc.

We continue journey until below…finally we make it n done…its great thing ever in my life. Hahhaa at below..we rushing change clothes because my officemate waiting to go dinner. We missed lunch, drink or else. The funny things is..we just naked at public change clothes. Hahha me too. No choice…n my friend bleeding because of leech. Hahah mat saleh got leech. So funny

We rushing go pharmacy to buy plaster n medicine. Then hav dinner with my officemate. Went to her house at her hometown and leaving perak to kl. Its was unbelievable trip, amazing and full of memory. Until now feel pain because of the climb….i miss that. Thanks to my friend and God. Lucky no stomach aid from the water and everything is fine.nice trip..ever in my life.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

kisah hati(heart story) by alyah

Hatiku hatimu / Your heart my heart
Menjadi satu cinta / Become one love
Ku rasa hadirmu / I felt your arriving
Hanya sempurnakan aku / Make me complete
Tapi cinta bukan milik kita / But….. this love its now our own
Semua harus berakhir / All must be end

Cinta kau dan aku / Your love n mine
Takkan mungkin bersatu / Never ever banded together
Untuk saat ini di dunia ini / For this second in this world
Mungkin tidak bersama / Maybe never together
Hadir di angkasana / Coming at next life
Biar ku setia menjaga cintamu / Let me keep n care your love
Selamanya / forever

Tapi cinta bukan milik kita / But this love not our own
Semua harus berakhir / All must be end

Cinta kau dan aku / Your love and mine
Takkan mungkin bersatu / Never ever united
Untuk saat ini di dunia ini / For this second in this world
Mungkin tidak bersama / Maybe never be together
Biar ku setia menjaga cintamu / Let me keep n care your love

Cinta kau dan aku / Your love n mine
Takkan mungkin bersatu /
Never ever banded together
Untuk saat ini di dunia ini / For this second in this world
Biar ku setia menjaga cintamu / Maybe never be together
Selamanya / forever

just fall in love with this... because i know i will never get what i want.... love,lover....that's what i missed in my life.maybe at another life.

congkak river.....a few week ago.....freshing and relaxing

falling in love with water