There's always a smile on face but inside heart nobody knows

Thursday, October 7, 2010

i dont care!!!

hmm i took long time to decide what i wanna write here, because i always care with many people's heart, mind n their impression. but who care if i'm sad, lonely, stress, pressure or i need what i want?i always keep in my heart when i hav negative feeling... try to not show even try to not tell everyone because i dont want people get bored, pressure from me. i know its kind of worst feeling but as human...i allow to have that feeling, same with others. only they way is different to solve all the prblm.

yeah mostly i just cry at home, cooking, make painting, exercise and talk alone. this week i can say its the worst week for me. busy with work, pressure from work, personal thing and at same time family come over at weekend.i love they come over to my house..and i wish i can manage my house to be more nice..but i can't do that because was busy with work. i dont hav much time anymore and i need to be honest with family, this is my life (white house), empty without any sofa, painting.... (late to manage all the art work on wall).sometime better to be average.....

then about personal thing.....right now i'm confuse with myself, because the day moving fast. i wish everyday i hav great moment with someone in my life. or anyone(mostly i like) free to make myself enjoy and happiness.this week also the worst week for me...although i'm busy with mind still active. every hour i wake up, sit and thinking of myself....because nobody around me. its really sick n pain for me. but every morning.. i talk with myself front mirror.. positive positive n positive.!!!

one thing more worst is i was remind my friend not forgot to visit my blog... pity my friend just asking me..... any new thing in ur blog?it was disappointing. it is my blog bored? fully sadness? fully bad thing? or all same thing, same feeling!!! u know i wish i can close this blog forever. stop all my email, stop all phone..even i wish i can died. then people will never think about me anymore and i also free.

i think what i'm done , people never appreciate it. i try my best in my life to satisfy what people want, make them happy even myself..but lately i was stress about something else. i wish i can escape myself..but i dont know...thats why i wish i can died.

then i hav guest in kl . kind of good friend..but my friend come with make short story, i saw love bite, i feel worst and i try to escape myself from that situation. bullstop. n this morning..really make me sad, jealousy, lonely and unhappy. lucky today was busy with submission, then the time moving fast....can't wait to hav new day, new life, everything new. i wanna leave the bad thing or sadness behind.

oh my god..honestly i always wish to be strong person with kindly heart, honest word, calm face, warm smile to make my life happy n people around me happy too. forgive me when i complaint too much because i just simple person, sometime can't take the pressure anymore. hope the next day will make my life better.

always listen this song lately. very touching song

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