There's always a smile on face but inside heart nobody knows

Saturday, October 30, 2010

sacrifice


again one more time i sacrifice something i really like for the better life at future. i mean hav peaceful life until found something more interesting. lately my mind was bother for something tempting me.really !!! i never stop waiting, never stop look at the photo until i think i was over done. finally i deleted everything about that.

honestly,when i really mad someone or keep thinking someone...i will delete all contact number...n i'm feel so satisfy...but at same time i save that number in my dairy already... so i can add or contact again after few hour or day. hehh

just now i'm crazy for someone.....maybe i never meet someone like that......i try to not remember even i try to busy my life..but i can't stop to investigate, saw photo until i think i will destroy myself.some people will say..why not u just be friend...but i cant..i want more...and more and more. yeah its was a waste to delete but in my mind i wish the God will replace me something more nice n belong to me. i wanna cry...but i confident..the God will understand and help me out. i wish

i'm not cry because stress or pressure..just feeling lost something . hmmm i'm smiling now. hehehehe . arghhhh i'm sure its will nice......



Friday, October 29, 2010

i'm crying

unbelievable, i should sleep because i can't sleep last night but ...i'm crying tonight....... i'm speechless what happened to me tonight...was wonderful for short moment..i appreciate that feeling. i wish i can hav more....really!!!! i'm sadddddddddddddddddddd

my favourite song nowdays






i just like the music although the lyric is strange for me...i like this kind of music arrangement..hav soul n i feel it

Thursday, October 28, 2010

can't sleep tonight

trying to sleep but can't..worry will tired tomorrow at home...hmmm ....

a nightmare again


last night i had one nightmare again.....wake up in middle of night....scary, alone n confuse. sometime i feel better i just died. life is hard..... in that dream...... i was dream a lonely feeling without my mother. yeah in the dream..my mother died...n i feel so miss her badly.i lost badly her...... then i wake up because i know i'm in dream n i dont want continue.

after that...i continue sleep.....this time its about engagement time, i was get ready to go engagement day..but i told to everyone....i can't continue this drama, i dont want marriage, ........ i dont want hurt anyone because of my personal thing. even i really hurted everyone. i feel so sad.....n again i told myself...this is dream.....so i force myself to wake up one more time.

its was scary...... sometime i hate alone here...... but what can i do....... i looking around but not find anyone...... soon one by one my friend leaving kl.i know...... its nightmare... thats life. people will not understand this kind of feeling........

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

bored lately

today i was in pressure with working load. i just feel not fair to me with work because the work non stop coming to me. today i finished 3 important thing for 2 project.

1. one mix development, all floor plan (15 floor plan) n 2 section, very detail, but my colleague still not finish 4 elevation......since last week..she just finished 2 elevation. wtf!!!!!

2. i was repaired n planned the new main core for one condominium........its took 2 hour...but i dont know why my bos took 1 week, but never finished it. i really sick of that.

3. then previous report came again n hav some changes, i took 3 hour to repair...one by one, floor by floor, type to type....... but the girl with elevation still not finish any elevation. arghhhhhh n my bos every 30 minute, smoking smoking, smoking, gossip new product with main bosses.....what the hell goings on.

for those officemate is smoking...when they get stress with work especially my bos...they took long time at staircase to smoking. how about me? any people think i'm stress or not? n how stress i'm to release my stress. that why sometime i fed up.

i just to tell people.....i need rest to at office. dont think i'm just quite n not do work...i dont like gossip. at same time so hard for not smoking person to do what smoking people do. yeah sometime skip the work, just because wanna smoke at ground floor or at staircase.

yeah a bit jealous because no increment salary for me...but thats life....

in one day i can manage many activity, working, reply email, jogging, cooking, exercise, cruising, analysis, reading book, news, politic, fb, blog, sms, watching news, listening radio, praying....but i dont know why some people never do like what i'm doing. i'm not blame anyone...but only urself can manage urself.

yeah i always wake up early to go work n i always make sure i will finish my work at 6pm because i wanna my daily life...i dont want miss that..hang out around, see the world, meet friend, watching movie at cinema. for example..some officemate doing overtime everyday, i dont know..they work smart or find extra money.

thats why i feel bored always........ feel empty

trip to perhentian island












perhentian island .........lovely n memorable place












early morning....fresh morning





me and sea side view















long beach...perhentian island