There's always a smile on face but inside heart nobody knows

Friday, December 31, 2010

miss my phone

thinking about phone..i really feel worst because i lost many important number. arghh really hate it. lost some friend which is available to share prblm n listen my prblm.i only can wish happy new year here. really miss my old phone.

no idea

yesterday was busy day b4 end of the year. the work load suddenly increase because Friday is public holiday in kl.

the bos in pressure, n gave me and friend pressure. all what i do become his mad. i hate that.even the computer at office not so fast.......always like that when in pressure time. i totally worst, mad,pressure and out of control. many thing need to fix for 1 day.

at same time my sister at home because take new car at k.yesterday my brother come to pass laptop,then another brother sms me to stay at home weekend. all make me fed up for life. i know i become bad brother because not allow my brother stay with me.i just need my privacy life when i'm stress. because i think they not care about me.... hard for me to explain all here. just stress n dont hav anybody to talk.i'm sad

just feel lost at last day of end new year. wish i will die tonight

just officemate's married

when i saw friend get marriage, deep my heart i'm thinking of myself. i know its painful, jealous, confuse, and desperate inside me. i know i should be happy with great day of friend. maybe the God still punish me. sometime i afraid to wait. waiting the time my self hav lover, put ring on my finger or spending time with someone u like or comfortable to be with.where is my love?

i'm tired being this. tomorrow i will be 26 years old at 2011. still not enough matured for me? sometime i just think this life very not fair to me..... ;-(


2 days ago...i have another dream. its was interesting because seems like i jumped to my friend's dream. i'm not dream my friend in my dream but i was in my friend's dream in his dream.all the dream about my friend's dream and i just involved and saw everything. itc crazy!!!

the real is do u watch a film called inception by leonardo dicaprio a few month ago?its like that. but i'm not use thats way to find the key of life, or key of information. just accidentally happen.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

31 dicember is public holiday

just read in newspaper, 31 dicember is public day...... our prime minister gave us because we won in football aff-suzuki cup for this year. thanks PM.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

10 day more in cyber from home

i hav another 10 days more for internet from home. the internet was gave as birthday gift from my friend when i moved to new house. although i know his internet password and id, but i can't online anymore like usual unless he not in kl. right now i just use my own id and password. what to do? thats life. with 10 day...i dont hav wish or hope. no more naughty website to search or hot website to read. just surf internet from office. its ok

anyway thanks for patrice because gave me something make me enjoy for my life. hahhaha. miss to all friend later especially at night. thanks izzi broadband.....

3 day b4 new year

- waiting my young brother come home, to pass laptop to my sister
- waiting my sister come to kl because she wanna take new car at kl, just bought new car
- was planned to go pangkor island for new year, but canceled at last minute, my friend can't join because her family come to kl to celebrate at kl
- a bit busy at work, kind of boring too
- 15 january, my family come again to kl for 2nd graduation my young brother. last time for army university, right now for army graduation
- will hav 9 day off day end of January. starting 29 January until 6 feb. reason,kuala lumpur federal day's and chinese new year. was planned something but dont know......just realize got 9 day holiday after got new calendar of 2011.
- anyway happy new year. time to sleep.

aff-suzuki cup

malaysia wons 4-2 beat indonesia. good job malaysia.....

wons USD 100,000. all the malaysian's team are hot

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

wet dream, wet bed, and taxi

its really unexpected thing happen, i was dream go to toilet last night and i realize my bed already wet. huhuhuh too bad. maybe i'm too tired yesterday. wake up early just to clean all and put the matress outside the house. lucky i hav garden!!!

then this evening, the sky gonna be rain. i took taxi but i'm not lucky, was trapped in bad traffic jammed. i also lucky because the taxi driver really nice, chinese man. we talk alot for many topic, politic, love, religion, and etc. was nice. at 1st time i took taxi, he was asking me..why u look so happy. most people after work very bored and stress. but u still smiling and cheers. so i just be honest with him..i'm rushing of the time to take my matress b4 rainy. he laughing to me. then he asked me..r u sure to go ampang hilir? because that place for rich people. i said yes....i just stay at friend housela. not my house..i'm not rich. then he laughing again. its was nice

near to my house, he told me i'm very nice guy and intelligent and can talk for many topic..not lady gaga ok!!!. hahhah its was nice conversation. honestly i love to read, make comparison, n give idea although its wrong. people always do mistake. i learn about life.anyway finally i reached at home, not rain. its good.and fix the bed. yeah its dry and i'm happy. thanks God.

Monday, December 27, 2010

thinking..... :-(

today feel a bit tiring and not so energetic like at weekend.will sleep early soon.just to update blog for today. many thing to write but i think i just need write this article because i keep thinking nonstop in mind...its painful if i'm not take it out.

in our culture when a single woman attract or hav feeling to someone already married or engaged guy, its really bad and worst.the reason is we dont want destroy that relationship or become third person in the relationship. its hard to explain even we not encourage to do that.

in case of me..... i also feel bad, worst and sometime i try put distance, blame myself, hurting myself, deleted all thing, but i can't stop to thinking someone those helping me in many way. i'm cried, i mad myself, i hate inside.....but what can i do.i wish i can control all the thing. can off and on any switch, at least i dont want think about that person.

i dont mind if someone hurting me because wanna put distance with me. i also dont mind if people leaving me to make me open heart to accept others. but for myself.....i really hard to leave someone i really like, love and miss...because every moment was done is wonderful and hard to is wonderful, friendship is forever, and fun is just short time.

then all the time u will pain because u waiting someone not belongs to u. finally i swear, life is not easy...and maybe i just pretend to be happy but inside nobody knows. one of confuse day to me.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

finally i hav guest and cook for xmas

this is the last article for today because start working tomorow. i was surprised because i hav unexpected guest today. a friend at Singapore came to kl for meeting. not meet him since 3 years ago but still contact from chat n sms.

last month i was promised to him, if he come to kl..i will cook xmas meal like roast turkey, bread stuffing, cranberry sauce and etc. but to day cant cook roast turkey its will long time. hehhe anyway surprised he come to kl and mention to me when he already in kl. so without any information, i just check in internet the recipe.

at 1st time a bit worry if the food not so delicious, but i think all food finished now. so i assume all tasty, delicious and good. hahhah anyway really happy because thought i just do nothing today, but really much activity. anyway since last nite not sleep. now time to sleep.thanks again for bob. 3 years not meet u...all change.... so nice can cook for someone. i appreciate

cook for a friend..xmas eve a.k.a thanksgiving

roast turkey a.k.a roast chicken with lime + herb

roast turkey a.k.a roast chicken with lime + herb

roast turkey a.k.a roast chicken with lime + herb

cranberry sauce

cranberry sauce

cranberry sauce

cranberry sauce

bread stuffing

bread stuffing

bread stuffing

meat soup

meat soup

enjoyed weekend with painting

actually i do painting when i feel stress, i make it once a week but never put here. today i hav time to do another art work. was good when i collect together and taking photo. i'm enjoyed n feel so valueable and dont want sell to anyone.

so hard to take photo alone too.anyway is was challenging to least i look happy. hope i can do more art work.

the boat

i also like this painting....i dont know..i just get quick idea than make it.


when i'm kids, my mother always bought tulips flower plastic to put in house. she love the flower. sometime we hav the calendar with tulip view at Netherlands. i always tell myself, i hope i want there i can go to Netherlands and see the tulip flower, take photo and show to my mother. i like the view...i'm sure everyone know about thet. i think better go spring season right? need to search soon.