There's always a smile on face but inside heart nobody knows

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

fed up...really bad day.....n spoil my feeling

a bit sad n cry today. so stress...decided to eat much much but still moody n can't sleep.i know i'm too think much..but i really don't understand what people thinking..when they have responsible to do something important. like a promised, or work or..etc.

1. yesterday nite..i supposed meet my friend around 10pm. i was waiting in front computer n also phone because he promised to meet me. even i left my number for him. until 12 nite, he still not contact me...yeah i'm mad. n today i just read his message at internet...he just say sorry because he was dragged n drunk at club with friend. arghhhh......its like i'm not important for him. at least left message b4 he went to club or called to cancel it. this thing always make me sick. Sick with someone dont hav responsible or respectation. i'm not cheap for this thing. even u r white, asian, mixed..if u dont hav "something" in urself..people will never care u. so just get lost.its modern century, u can reach me with many way.its make me sick.

2. today, i'm a bit moddy because my friend not contact me. suddenly my brother sms me at morning. he wanna stay at my house, over night because he wanna back to hometown next morning. so since morning to evening...he push me to go back home early, push me to stay at my same time i hav pressure at office work. but when i close to finish working time...he just called me and say..he dont want stay at my house because his friend change mind to move tonight to hometown. what the hell this guy? u was pressure me n at the end u dont want stay at my house..... i feel bad n mad too...we only meet in train....i miss him as my young brother.....hope he stay overnight at my house because i dont hav much time to talk with him as brother.

3. on the way to home in train, i got called from driving company. he was informed me, the driving computer test on thursday was canceled because he can't register my name today because the police's system down today. i was shocked because i informed him at tuesday morning after i'm confident with the test. why so late to register me? its so hurting me anyway because i took off day already. even in my mind i'm not set my mind to working tomorrow. so its really make me sick. i cant easily off day..its will waste my annual leave. so i'm so sad.....because i was gave myself 110% attentions for exam. because on saturday n sunday i already hav plan to do. i know i always plan myself...its not good...but i must do it because i think the time is gold. i want use all my time with something benefit to me. i cant stay relax alone..because i afraid with loneliness. so i must go work tomorrow. its really disappointed me.

4. actually b4 i need to go exam, i must hav pre exam at home in computer. n the soft copy actually can get from driving company. i was waiting that soft copy since last saturday. when i called that girl at that driving company, she said...she not at home , but at midvalley. i really mad too. because i waiting for that soft copy. so i become more bad mood. arghhh all my plan was spoil.

5. then i hav chat with my friend at south africa. honestly i miss him very much since he left kl. i know he was busy with life there....but i always get disappointing. i know both of us dont hav much time to chat, even exchange email because the time zone, or something.....but why when got time to talk, he never use that time to something important. i know he need to answer his lover call, but i was waiting for 1 hour..i finished took shower, i finished salat, i finished to wear clothes, i finished clean my room..but after that he just say..i need to sign off now because my alarm at home will get over. why not he just say 1 hour ago...dont hav time to chat or something else. so when i will get time again to chat? i'm sure he cant online at weekend. tomrow i hav another date with friend, friday is xmas, saturday he will not online, saunday of course not. monday i'm sure he will not online again.i'm sick with all this thing.

so the conclusion is....

- why people dont think how important the time we got in our life? for example..the driving company hav time to register my name on tuesday evening...n see what happen on wednesday? so its change my plan

-we decided our time...u can plan ur time..for chat or sms, even the cheapest is via email. if u love someone even like someone...u can express ur feeling with short message with deeper feeling..n no need to write something long just waste ur is hard? of if u want to easy way..just record ur voice...copy n put in email..

i know i'm mad....i just dont understand..why people not think more about that..about people heart. time is gold. u cant find or replace..i'm getting old, u also getting old. give chance ourself to get something beautiful life....something happy

anyways i really sorry with my word today......i'm not meant to hurt anyone..just want everyone know.....i always miss u..i always want all of u close to me by my side. if u take what i said with positively..u will understand.i learned from my mistake b4. i only hav short time with someone i really like...n after that i never get it anymore. so sad. because we cant go back...jealousy, worry, world prblm...or else.i know i'm not good enough for least i came to ur life n glowing ur life with something nice.

i'm sorry for this time.. the day really spoil me.

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