There's always a smile on face but inside heart nobody knows

Thursday, December 31, 2009

misssing someone

"tik tik tik, the time is moving , i cant stop the time moving, n my mind can't stop thinking of you" thats the truth about missing someone.5 minute b4 new year feel long time....n suddenly i miss all my friend espcially, john, tj, patrick, shayne, robert, sharifudin, one of chinese friend at damansara, arbid david, anthony, amir, ali, hasan, sami, my family. most of them not in kl, anywhere happy new year all my friend ...so lonely at kl here. nobody want me.....

30minute b4 new year 1130pm

hmmmm..i got many sms for new year...unbelievable got from someone i love b4. not lover..just someone i really like.i thought that person already deleted my number....hahhahahha at least its make me big smile.thats life.

tonight i cook chicken soup n my housemate asked me to join him to carrefoure bangsar south. he wanna cook tonight...yeah i'm not take rice since 2 day ago..now started again. hehhe love ricelah.

i'm waiting the fireworks from my room. my room directly viewing klcc n kl city area. even i can see genting highlands.can i say something?... since evening was online at any website....but nobody want me...hmmmm very lonely n bored...... i always say wish...but its never happen. dont want dream at day time anymore(impossible).

its record actually.... because the pink website reached to 200 above viewer, the yellow website until 4 pages, the blue website until 10 page. wow so amazing..just become naughty sometime with putting 18sx photo. hahah for me its not sexy because i just wear underwear.same like i wanna go swimming pool. hahhaah love teasing people.

welcome 2010 and good bye 2009

hmmm...i hav alot to write here....some conclusion, some suggestion, some prblm, some happy ending, sad n everything about life.

1st of all...the day b4 new year, i got big smile finally...i'm recover from fever,sick from tonsile in my throat, i'm passed in computer test for driving, i'm healthy, the big plan for 2010 visit n visitor and got a call from friend at melbourne.

i know last week..i was depressed because of many thing. maybe i'm so weak because fever and tonsile because i got long coughing. lucky met doctor fast so i recover now... many plan was canceled... n i realize its a test for me about life. still young to handle the prblm or pressure. i'm not means to mad some people, but i dont want people just think me as simple and not important in their life. yeah i know, i just a friend...a friend which is can replace anytime, reject when not important anymore, and to hurt me just because to put distance.

start at 2009, a lot drama happen, people come n go in my life, at same time i fight with myself to get job. very bad year. i'm lucky because my family always behind me, support me, and also old and new friend. started with sad thing n today i'm happy at the end.

let me be honest...... i was sad n in pressure when my best friend tj and patrick decided leaving kl at early of the year. i loose a good friend to sharing prblm, to hav good time, although sometime i'm not so happy with some issue. but its broke my heart because i dont hav much friend in kl. and i was learn many many thing. finally they left kl with many memory.

i got bad news after my lovely friend luigi from Italy was died in sleep. its make my heart more broken.its shocked because we hav many plan to do. after that a bit happy for my sister wedding and spent more time with family because no job in kl.

then i was fight with myself to get job for 3 month. go and back to hometown,its really bad n hard time. only God know. with many initiative and never give up...finally i got job at same time i found new friend. Thanks God because listen my word.also thanks to John because accepted me as his friend.


honestly with nothing in my life, i start my new life with new job. i'm so happy with my office now. always try my best to work smart and thinking smart in every part in my life.the world moving faster now...every minute its important...i learn from my mistake b4 n i dont want do it again. so hope will getting better in work life.

suddenly the prblm came....my housemate wanna change to new house, new environment n so on. i was hav bad time to make decision..finally i just listen my heart n decided will stay in this house. luckily most of my housemate not change the house. hahha. good at least. so now my house newly painting..i hav new bed, new wardrobe and so on. yesterday i bought kitchen to cook..and start cook again at my house.

many plan was canceled..like try to go holiday outside Malaysia because last year i visit Singapore but its oklah n now i'm in process to make driving license and hopefully will get early 2010. all thing getting better n hope 2010 give more prosperity or lucky.


maybe something i'm still not get it.... I"M STILL SINGLE. look at university mate, getting marriage, will get baby, and hav lover. i dont hav any. i know sometime they fight each other because of love....but its nice right to hav someone to say hello, good nite, i miss u n u miss me, honey, n so on. i dont know why.... maybe i'm at wrong path... but maybe people and i can say " look good but nobody brave to try or ask the price ". i'm not too bad personla but still nobody wanna me with strong reason or try hard to get me. maybe i can explain my feeling from this lyrics. i love this word...

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said “stay away from Juliet”
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don’t go…
And I said…

Romeo take me somewhere, we can be alone
I’ll be waiting, all there’s left to do is run
You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess,
It’s a love story, baby, just say yes


love story by taylor swift

i like the song because i wanna run from this prblm. run with someone i love... to new place, start new life, new thing, new hope. lol i know its like a dream..but if u not try..u never know. i was tried..but seems i'm not worthy for them.thats why every song i post here its very important. its not just a song n lyrics..if all of u not believe, pls go and study. hehhe.

anyways i love this word "ariff boleh!!!!!!!". nothing imposible in this life. if one person dont like us...we can get many person to like us. i'm happy with i hav now. i'm thankful with God too because gave me great friend, great memory, great time, great job, and more more great in my life. just waiting March because someone wanna visit me later.

b4 i go... i wanna ask thousand apologize and sorry if i did mistake, from everyone n i always forgive to everyone. i love all of u.so welcome 2010 and good bye 2009.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

time to say good bye

half my heart gone

half my heart gone,
its all nice but hurting at the end,
u play my my heart and u know that
and u left me

i was loving u but not like now,
u hurting me and u scarred deep my heart
its truth, i was loving u but not like now
u hurting me and u scarred deep my heart

u said u never happy when spent our time together
that's from ur mouth
u lied everything what we done,
u destroyed all,

i was loving u but not like now,
u hurting me and u scarred deep my heart
its truth, i was loving u but not like now
u hurting me and u scarred deep my heart

actually the poem came from the lyric of a song, Separuh Jiwaku Pergi by anang. some lyric related with me and some not. so like usual.... when i hav something to say, i using poem as my medium to express my feeling. maybe i was confuse again, but its hard for my situation. honestly, i wish all my heart gone... because what i can do if i never happy for myself. i was cried, pain, fed up n give up...thats enough for me. its pain.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

yoda the cat



its really nice cat..love the fur....

when the other door will open?




avatar.......



today....just spent time at home..continue painting..now only living room, kitchen n bathroom..still not painting yet. will continue tomorrow morning because need to but new colour. after that...my housemate and me to time square n decided wanna see avatar film...but already sold out n decided went to tropicana mall. its really nice film n beautiful. but in that movie...its make me remember me someone.

sometime people say love is blind.....when u fall in love(not yet) with someone, u cant listen any advice. yeah stupidity for me because still love someone far from me and somoene already attached.maybe until now....i'm not meet any nice person like what i have b4.. i'm not compare... but just wanna felt something shaking of heart. honestly i'm easy hurt when someone mad me, but u love someone..... u will never feel pain when that person mad, hurt u...at least u will smile. maybe as my admirer. when i look at the eyes......i feel so missing someone. i love u and miss u too. thats honest from my deep heart.

i dont mind at all because anything can happen. even if what we hav around us, in front us still not make us happy....so its just forcing to make love.of course i thankful n i appreciate even already tried...but heart language its not easy to understanding.

yeah again..my computer driving test was delay again...seems the plan not move smoothly. just get ready for anything. i'm happy for this time. just wanna move on.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

i love u

i love u

off day-- but back to office...save the annual leave

today i was woke up late..still confuse..wanna go office or stay at home and spend time at cinema? i called my 2 officemate, both of them advice me to come office..only my housemate advised me to stay at home. yeah its better for me to save my annual leave. a lot plan for this actually.

for example...maybe i will hav quest from melbourne later, for a week. then my university mate will marriage on may at sabah.need to take leave too..end of the year, my best friend at south africa invite me to attend his son wedding as special guest.yeah many thing to do........how about celebrate new year at singapore? hahha un planning trip....will ask my friend there.

a bit sleepy but i'm happy at home. yesterday really bad day to me. i know myself fully of mad n stress.but will not delete that article. just be honest for everyone n nothing to hide. hope i hav good time at future.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

fed up...really bad day.....n spoil my feeling


a bit sad n cry today. so stress...decided to eat much much but still moody n can't sleep.i know i'm too think much..but i really don't understand what people thinking..when they have responsible to do something important. like a promised, or work or..etc.


1. yesterday nite..i supposed meet my friend around 10pm. i was waiting in front computer n also phone because he promised to meet me. even i left my number for him. until 12 nite, he still not contact me...yeah i'm mad. n today i just read his message at internet...he just say sorry because he was dragged n drunk at club with friend. arghhhh......its like i'm not important for him. at least left message b4 he went to club or called to cancel it. this thing always make me sick. Sick with someone dont hav responsible or respectation. i'm not cheap for this thing. even u r white, asian, mixed..if u dont hav "something" in urself..people will never care u. so just get lost.its modern century, u can reach me with many way.its make me sick.

2. today, i'm a bit moddy because my friend not contact me. suddenly my brother sms me at morning. he wanna stay at my house, over night because he wanna back to hometown next morning. so since morning to evening...he push me to go back home early, push me to stay at my house..at same time i hav pressure at office work. but when i close to finish working time...he just called me and say..he dont want stay at my house because his friend change mind to move tonight to hometown. what the hell this guy? u was pressure me n at the end u dont want stay at my house..... i feel bad n mad too...we only meet in train....i miss him as my young brother.....hope he stay overnight at my house because i dont hav much time to talk with him as brother.

3. on the way to home in train, i got called from driving company. he was informed me, the driving computer test on thursday was canceled because he can't register my name today because the police's system down today. i was shocked because i informed him at tuesday morning after i'm confident with the test. why so late to register me? its so hurting me anyway because i took off day already. even in my mind i'm not set my mind to working tomorrow. so its really make me sick. i cant easily off day..its will waste my annual leave. so i'm so sad.....because i was gave myself 110% attentions for exam. because on saturday n sunday i already hav plan to do. i know i always plan myself...its not good...but i must do it because i think the time is gold. i want use all my time with something benefit to me. i cant stay relax alone..because i afraid with loneliness. so i must go work tomorrow. its really disappointed me.

4. actually b4 i need to go exam, i must hav pre exam at home in computer. n the soft copy actually can get from driving company. i was waiting that soft copy since last saturday. when i called that girl at that driving company, she said...she not at home , but at midvalley. i really mad too. because i waiting for that soft copy. so i become more bad mood. arghhh all my plan was spoil.

5. then i hav chat with my friend at south africa. honestly i miss him very much since he left kl. i know he was busy with life there....but i always get disappointing. i know both of us dont hav much time to chat, even exchange email because the time zone, or something.....but why when got time to talk, he never use that time to something important. i know he need to answer his lover call, but i was waiting for 1 hour..i finished took shower, i finished salat, i finished to wear clothes, i finished clean my room..but after that he just say..i need to sign off now because my alarm at home will get over. why not he just say 1 hour ago...dont hav time to chat or something else. so when i will get time again to chat? i'm sure he cant online at weekend. tomrow i hav another date with friend, friday is xmas, saturday he will not online, saunday of course not. monday i'm sure he will not online again.i'm sick with all this thing.

so the conclusion is....


- why people dont think how important the time we got in our life? for example..the driving company hav time to register my name on tuesday evening...n see what happen on wednesday? so its change my plan

-we decided our time...u can plan ur time..for chat or sms, even the cheapest is via email. if u love someone even like someone...u can express ur feeling with short message with deeper feeling..n no need to write something long just waste ur time.it is hard? of if u want to easy way..just record ur voice...copy n put in email..


i know i'm mad....i just dont understand..why people not think more about that..about people heart. time is gold. u cant find or replace..i'm getting old, u also getting old. give chance ourself to get something beautiful life....something happy

anyways i really sorry with my word today......i'm not meant to hurt anyone..just want everyone know.....i always miss u..i always want all of u close to me by my side. if u take what i said with positively..u will understand.i learned from my mistake b4. i only hav short time with someone i really like...n after that i never get it anymore. so sad. because we cant go back...jealousy, worry, world prblm...or else.i know i'm not good enough for everyone...at least i came to ur life n glowing ur life with something nice.

i'm sorry for this time.. the day really spoil me.

Monday, December 21, 2009

latest design by me




its very confidential, but seems that company never appreciate our design..so love to share what i have done for this week at office.

i want nobody nobody but you



just feeling lonely nowdays. bored at home too, even at office. missing all best friend around the world. wanna cry...but no reason. i hate felling lonely. sometime sent sms..but only got reply with short sms..... what to do.....huhuhuh. i really miss you.but what can i do....... i want nobody nobody nobody but u. i tried many thing to make myself busy ...but i'm still thinking of you.

i miss you and i love you!!!!!!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

symmetrical is boring

one of my friend told me yesterday, i must take photo from front side because all my photo from right n left side.its seems i try hide something from others. not actually. love to show i hav something from right or left side. so today i try to take some photo. yeah its seem funny but i hope its not too bad. just hate look face too symmetrical.

yesterday i was spent my time at friend's house. make laundry for last weekend and spent time with his cat too. the names cat's name Comel. its lovely cat. she kiss me when i asked her for one kiss. she never do that b4 and now she seems like me. even this morning when i wake up from sleep...she stay beside me n i was talked with her. Comel, i must leaving soon because i hav driving class tomorrow. n she makes sad face...she come close, lay down close to my arm and kiss me.. so touching because i will miss her. suddenly she jumped on my leg. hahhaa..i let het stay there for a while b4 i get ready to wake up and going home.

at 8am i need to go driving class, always come early b4 late..and finished around 4pm. its really tiring because i'm not take breakfast n lunch. was long time today. arrived at home ..just take a little nap and wake up n chat with friend n updated this blog. something nice happen at driving class...but its oklah.. next time will write here.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

driving lisence

last night i was slept for 12 hour..record in this month. i'm slept around 9pm and wake up around 9am. so nice without nightmare or something rush to do.normally i always make my computer on until morning.....lol..download something or online for something!! hahha but no result.

so last night i decided to off handphone, computer, light in room..then just close eyes n sleep. its really lovely. n today wake up from sleep i clean the house, clean my room and go to downstairs at my house.... register for driving license. so i'm happy finally because i will get my driving license later.

thanks for TJ and Patrick because let me drive their car last time, also to my sister because let me drive her car at hometown to shop buy something. i know its a big mistake driving without lisence, but i always happy n smile when drive. hahha different feeling...no feeling to think prblm just concentrate at in front. lol if i hav own car next time. will go any nice place....breath fresh air..... n etc. i love waterfall, river, forest, hill but star hill lol. anyways just at home today.

Friday, December 18, 2009

me, night n blog

this week is really long weekend.because at malaysia we will hav holiday every friday start this week until next 2 week. this week all muslim celebrate new year in Islam calender. yesterday i'm very busy at office n try to finish work because i dont want bring it at weekend, in mind for thinking or others. luckily 3 bos came at my work place and after discussion,they want me continue on monday, its 80% finished, but they want abit changer. not my faultla.

so just out office around 830pm....nothing to do, no plan....a bit bored but will try make myself busy. ion the way to home, my housemate called n gave me good news, the house's owner gave less rent house to RM600 from RM800. thanks god..at least less than usual. we stay at same house since 5 years ago.

at home we agreed to continue painting for this week, but one of my friend sick..coughing n fever after saw his mother came back from haj at sabah. so lazy day at home, cleaning house, cleaning window, mop the living room floor. yeah i'm happy to see my house clean. especially my bed....the colour attract me to sleep. oooh but its nice to hav someone. lol

yeah kl become empty now..too much holiday and busy with xmas. ohh b4 i forget..i just wanna a give greeting wish for all my friend which is celebrate xmas..merry xmas n happy new year too. i miss all of u.

bored at home, clean computer from unimportant photo, some file, hot photo and disk fragment the computer. found this 3 photo..just to share here.


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

bedtime story or story teller


like usual i cant sleep sometime at night. i just wanna share something nice and a bit history about my family. nowdays all my mind just belong to my family at hometown. everyday i called them because i'm worry about some thing...its related with my eyesbrow moving... until my mother said...dont call her anymore because i always called her everyday.

hhaha i called them because i wanna ask forgiveness and just to know thier health. anyways they r healthy. so talking about bedtime's story....actually its about old story when i'm kids and my grandmother really picky and choosing which family will be best for her. so its was become royal family version in my dream. hahha so i got name. Syed Mohd Ariff Fadhillah Bin Syed Mohd Noor.

its was funny but its nice because become royal family in dream. so honestly, my mother just a village's woman...so my grandmother never gave her face because my mother not working. until all works at kitchen will do by my mother. even if we all go to grandmother's house...we always at kitchen to help mother cook for others relative. clean house, throw gargabe at river..... we always jealous with others cousin. i'm still remember my grandmother try to hide apple, grape, lemon in fridge when we go to her house.my mother know about that....only us know about that.

so in the dream..i was become a handsome man from others cousin....hahha intelligent, smart, hardworking, respect old man. and so on. although we just do like a slave..... all my family look likes prince n princess. hahha good for drama. so after a few years... everyone found out..... our family is the best from others family.

thats why i'm not so close with my relative beside father. because they r so arrogant. i hav 6 family from father side in kl. they never contact me, n i also dont want to know them...because we know what happen for us since we kids until now.

at reality.... when my grandmother sick at hospital, all my sister stay over there..clean her shit, clean her clothes....waiting her at hospital n other cousin never do that. so see who the best person in the life...finally my grandmother say sorry to mother b4 she died. its was great appreciate to my mother. i respect my mother, because she is great mother in the world. my feeling and my soul very close to her. we hav same attitude, hobbies, soul..thats why i called her.

anyway become handsome man in dream really nice...hahha so funny actually.

special dinner last weekend

actually for this year....i can tell that night is the best night i have. i broke the wall, i look at the world, i dont know how to express my feeling here..just to say..i'm happy n enjoy that night.




weird day

hahha..i dont know what the best title i should use. anyways nowdays i always be careful with all thing i do because i'm worry for myself n people around me. dont want hurt myself n others too. last night i cant sleep until helped my housemate to put advertisement for new housemate around my house area. n just can sleep around 130am

wake up from morning, feel fresh and better because a bit coughing last nite...the advise is just drink a lot of water.so just take care myself. on the way to office..feeling so lonely n lazy to go office because too much holiday now. at office really bored at all. all my work finished but just acting busy with work. hahhaa.the big prblm is my eyes wanna close all the time(sleepy). only god know....how much i want to sleep.

so just count the time to go home......n my eyes at left side still moving.....nonstop....i dont care about that anymore......yeah feel bad sometime. suddenly one of my best friend at iran, ali online and chat with me. i miss him so much especially his father. the guy i helped last time at kl to buy something.although i never meet his son, i wish i can meet him at future..its close 4 years i know him......the reason i like him so much as my friend because he know about me 100%, he accepted because he know i'm honest 100% with him. so we become best friend until now. nothing hide..... because everyone hav thier history of life and i'm proud to be i'm .

at least i'm happy today after chat with him. yeah i'm busy with work and he rarely online because his office not allow for chat. same like me anyways. then packing bag to home n decided to g blind massage, pity that centre close every tuesday....so changed plan to go midvalley for cinema.

one thing funny happen when i took train... one girl was laughing because her shoes was stuck in a hole when the train coming.... everyone laughing me especially myself....so funny because everyone hurry to go in...but her shoes stuck in small hole...some people try to pull out the shoes from holes...finally they can pulled out. so i went to midvalley.....today n tomorrow is Jusco member days..all thing are crazy discount...but dont hav money ma...so just bought something for some1. yeah i bought bolster, n mattress protection. hehhe. anyway........ that weird day today. hahha. always try make myself happy n doing something fun....i afraid to be alone anyway. i hate that. lol

Sunday, December 13, 2009

unmercy


in life..sometime we also make plan....arghhh what can i say here. ?where i should start?

anyways to make story short....

i'm gratefull what i hav now, but sometime we like to know other people just in case happen. but not more than as friend. when the relationship come at middle and suddenly its stop..really make me stress. because i know myself......i'm not asking money for love, i'm not asking for material for friendship,i'm honest, gave full of my heart.i only dont want do something i cant, because last time its was happen to me..n i will not do again.

finally...i decided to step behind at back because i dont want risk myself again. then i looked at back..i'm gratefull what i hav now.done . its enough. dont want try anymore. i'm not say i'm bad guy because just wanna know another person because what i hav now still no title. i dont know..... i only a guy waiting for any possibility. but one thing make me strong....i hav many people which is love me and support me from behind. thanks

so the best way.. just deleted, move on and many people waiting at in front for nice thing.i believe that. asking me to know more detail. love to share with someone.

charity dinner

actually i wanna thanks to my best friend in kl, john because invited me to Charity dinner for pink triangle foundation. its about social charity. at 1st time i was reject his invitation but when i read the foundation in website, i think its a lesson for me about this world especially HIV, AIDS and so on. yeah i learn something important.

i know john did good decision when he asked me for invitation. so i really enjoyed that dinner with great, funny performance and people around. of course i bought new shirt.then i was in diet for one week for that night. hahah just to look good ma... aiyooo...!!! hhhaha

anyway last night really i'm enjoy in my life..... since morning i'm cleaning room, house, dancing, shopping, gym..and at night dinner and dancing tooo. hahhaha
love that n i will never forget it.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

crazy thing today....


i'm not believe that but sometime its funny too, if someone hav facebook..they also try many games or " believer" or questionnaire or astrology question.. i just tried one today...what they say?hahahha

"When the hamster in your brain says to jump, you shouldn't even ask how high. It's one of those days when you're much better off acting on impulse, so go ahead and try to make a fool of yourself!"
  • Mood: Rushed
  • Lucky Color: Rose Pink
  • Lucky Number: 14
  • Lucky Time of Day: 5
yeah just foolling around at home, clean house, dancing, singing, taking photo. what next? even i know...my eyesbrow keep moving at left side.. "bad sight"...i dont care!!! .......if i will cry later..i think its normal.if my bos wanna mad me...nevermind he hav power to do that. if i lost job..i can find another job. if someone dont want me as friend anymore..its oklah no force in friendship....if someone dont want meet me..its oklah..... sometime we cant force in relationship...everyone hav their own life or destiny. like day n night come n go, the beach always change with wave... life up and down.... of course its happen to human.

glow dancing

yahooo... nobody at home..so time for dancing...... at least doing some exercise. with latest song from melly goeslow.... "glow" is dance music..so i was dancing until sweat. hahha its ok dancing alone..because i'm not good dancer. weird guy hahhaa.
lazy to gym actually..but will go later.


what to do next? need brush the teeth... hhaah......i'm good mood today.....because was talked with my friend at singapore. he changed now..... more confident, very good discussion.hope he doing well and happy for his life.this life we always in up and down..its normal. i hav good time and bad time too. but become mature is more important..its showed u r still growth.......



come and dance with me

still love

today i wake up early from sleep. nothing to do...will go gym later n walk around. nobody at home because all my housemate going back to their hometown.then i remember my university time.....n my favourite is tking photo from webcam. yeah i still hav my old webcam. n today i took some..only this one look better. lol

honestly i'm crazy with kotak song from indonesia. the song title is masih cinta....means still love.
yeah its really blues song plus a bit rock.i dont know maybe rock......anyways i love the song and also lyric.

the song telling about....the feeling was save in her heart...although happy, sad, broken heart, pain of love when she meet her admirer lover or lover face to face. so the song seems like begging, wanna her lover come n understand that feeling, even care about her heart. yeah too pain.

anyway i'm happy..i'm still love anyone i know in my life. never regret.

Kotak – Masih Cinta

Tik tik tik waktu berdetik
Tak mungkin bisa kuhentikan
Maumu jadi mauku
Pahit pun itu ku tersenyum

Kamu tak tahu rasanya hatiku
Saat berhadapan kamu

Tik tik tik air mataku
Biar terjatuh dalam hati
Mauku tak penting lagi
Biar kubuat bahagiamu

Kamu tak tahu rasanya hatiku
Saat berhadapan kamu
Kamu tak bisa bayangkan rasanya
Jadi diriku yang masih cinta

Kamu tak tahu hancurnya hatiku
Saat berhadapan kamu
Kamu tak bisa bayangkan rasanya
Jadi diriku yang masih cinta

housemate wanted


Thursday, December 10, 2009

sory not updated blog


this week really tiring week. feel weak..bored....really no energy. although at office, i can handle all the work and finished at right time, but still nothing. dont know why. i went to clinic and tell doctor..i'm not well, feel like fever....but doctor said..i'm not believe u because i saw u keep smiling, with healthy body.....so better u just go home. hahhaa so i just go back to home.

have many thing to write here..but lazy. for example last monday, after finished work at office i went home. at pasar seni station, one african guy just enter train with sad face but not crying. yeah he not handsome...hhee but felt something wrong about him. he just stay beside me. then after that, he keep looking his phone...n finally he write something in the message....

" honey, i'm already missing you. i lv you"

wow..... now i understand..why he seems sad.... he missing his lover. yeah, everyone will miss someone close with them. me too. then he got message...n he a bit smile.anyways everyday always saw many attitude, feeling from public.sometime i become naughty2 too.hahha

anyways..lazy week this time. too much work at office, not so healthy, a bit stress..anyways my mind still thinking much and much. now looking night dinner's clothes. dont know which one good for me. i'm a bit fat...hahhaa.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

nightmare

i dont know.... nowdays i got many nightmare. although i hav fully energy but every night i cant sleep well. honestly i dont want write here about that but..if i'm not sharing or take out from myself..its will disturb my life n i'm keep thinking of that.maybe its seems funny..but sometime its related what we did at normal life.

last week....... i was dream fly in my life. since i'm kid until now. i was travel like time traveler..... meet old friend, my cousin(passed away), even when i'm primary school...like i saw everything happen in my life. seems that i really lonely guy and always sacrifice many thing b4 for people i love n close.i just fly slowly.....look down n saw all people i know. at my face..look like i'm sad..not smile..i dont know...like i was died. i dont know.

the next day...again i hav bad nightmare.... i was become a suspect to famous person at malaysia. he was died at home without reason. the police found me n catch me n put in prison...because they found my hair around his house. i really sacred because i'm not guilty...but with not fair court and police law at malaysia..i'm not confident to win for this case. that guy also hav drug at his house, too much. i dont know about that. so the police still investigate the case...but i'm still at prison..nobody help me. even my family dont know about that. i'm so worry

n last night its the worst for me. later at future..... malaysian government commercial the train system in kl. even rooler coster can use in train rail. so i was waiting for long time to go office...but no train to go my office. i feel lost..like crazy...no patient. but suddenly one train coming n took that train....suddenly at middle of trip..the train stop at big field close to bangsar and dont want moving. i asking the pilot..why u dont want to continue..because i'm late....he said...thats his train....so he lazy to drive..n just follow what he wanna do..arghhhh of course i feeling bad, after that no taxi, no bus....i just walk to office alone..because everyone seems use roller coaster and happy, no need to go office.

what can i do? i try to get rest..but my mind to active thinking. i try stop take any medicine or vitamin, but still same. why i'm so active? i feel bad sometime...but daytime i'm active working...n night my mind still same.if i''m not doing anything..i will feel bad. thats why i always read book, take photo, painting. i know i'm growth now. but i always wish can get good sleep.