There's always a smile on face but inside heart nobody knows

Friday, October 30, 2009

feeling down sometime

tonight again..i cant sleep. i know since last week i'm addicted to sleep 12 hour in one day...because i love to spent more time in my another world "dream". i feel more relax n enjoy. honestly started last weekend...all my time is sleep...just dont want think much about this real world....i dot want count the day....the day getting salary...the day beyond the life..the day without money, the day with many prblm n interesting.....the day is nice or not for me.

not all my dream is nice...most the time scary me. my bad feeling its become worst when my housemate say something really hurting me.i know...i should not listen whatever people say, but sometime its the truth. we need accept the thing happen in our life. i need to consistence with my word, but when he talking about another issue...i feel down.

hmmm should i write here? i'm worry...... people will think i only need sympathy.....but the truth is i dont hav any friend to share it. only this medium..i can let it go whats kill me in my heart. 2 day ago, i proposed to my friend to make laminated wood flooring n i dont want use the rubber plastic floor because its look dirty after long time. i know its expensive.but its good for house,look more nice, clean, arrangeable n exclusive.but my housemate say.. "ariff, u always dreaming.what u said b4 until now u dont get anything".i just keep quite my mouth because i dont want say something more conflict.

yeah i swear....i wanna make driving lisence....n hav own car...but i'm not afford it until now. a few year ago, i also say wanna go to middle east for work, until now.....still nothing. its happen when, that person just not confirm to help me. last time i'm nearly to move another house....also never happen. only me know the reason..... but people easy to say something they never know. its remind me the bad thing happen in my life.i also went to steward interview.........

yeah i got notting...... just a piece of heart n smile...but i just borrowed from God. anytime will take back. n tonight, another my housemate bought new hp, got hondo civic second hand.... hmmmm. i know i need start saving.....but every month always something happen..for monitor computer is broken n i need to buy new one. arghhhh. thats why i need something i cant write here. its hard to say n i only wanna look beyond. this year will be end soon...... what i''m target for this year... still nothing. i'm thankful because i just started working back.

sometime i feel i'm useless guy. i dont know. i lost focus nowdays for myself. my work is fine. i know the reason...but what to do..thats life.i hate that, i try help myself but i cant. just feeling sad anyway....

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