There's always a smile on face but inside heart nobody knows

Saturday, December 27, 2008

weekend with italian friend

nice meeting with luigi n matteo from italy. lovely, happening n kindly. i know n like a little bit italy language....."jungle" ," aldo", "basta", "mama mia". wish i can meet both of u again. luigi was found my blog, leave me a massage , n we start chat via msn, so we meet n make friend. thats nice n both of u

Saturday, December 20, 2008

pinoy friend will getting marriage

the best thing in this life is having friend n remember us anytime. i just got a great news from my friend from philipines. i know him since 4 years ago when i study at university. honestly we never meet face to face n rarely use cam because different time n both of us busy. i know him when he working at Philippine as bank manager. he is active guy because he like climbing mountain especially at Philippines. i know he hav girl friend b4 he left to dubai n will mariage this april 2009.

the good thing about him is, he left philipines to n work at dubai for his family, his future n life since 2 years ago. now he invite me to phlipines for his wedding day. i wish i could.......i got that news b4 i'm terminate. n right now i need to plan again my life n my future. i wish he will enjoy at his wedding day. thanks for ur nice package, weeding clothes for guy groom n also girl groom for me later when i'm there. but right now, i cant promise anymore to go there. we will consider it sad.....u r my best friend ok........wish u happy with ur wife later....u will climbing the real mountain later. hahhahah

thanks raplh for ur invitation. i must relook my work n life. Hope God will give me chance later.its lovely day right, look friend happy at the great day......i wish i can come ....

casa miaa

always at weekend i dont hav nothing to do, no date, no plan, just at home n bored. i know i should create some activity, but kl too hot ,even will make u tired n stress with crowded people, maybe stupid people especially at road, n shopping complex.the thing i dont like go out because, traffic jam, people always stop in the middle when many poeple walk, talk by phone loudly, no read the instruction n waiting bus n pack people in train.

i just arrange my folder in my computer, find this plan n i love it. just wanna put my idea. i'm bored at home. i hate this, i wanna go out with someone, hav fun n happy.still pressure to looking new job, but not so stress.wish hav camera digital, n take photo at outside...i'm bored.

Friday, December 19, 2008

being tired this day

since a week ago, i always sleep early, maybe too much pressure at office and work. also about termination.talking about job, i already sent resume around 11 company n waiting their respond.i love study too but i having financial prblm later. i got study at Australia n i can go anytime actually, but i must consider about economy n so on too. i choose Australia because not too far from malaysia. i'm still love to working as cabin crew, love travel n meet people.......we will see what happen at later.

finale i was terminated

first of all, i'm sorry because i took long time to writing here, many thing happen to me n i was busy with office work n life. i though the sky was bright until morning, but at afternoon, the dark cloudy with heavy rain happened. i was lost confident n give up n fed up with this life. too much prblm i need to solve n make me down, n down, down again. i know it life, without problem we not a human.

then On Wednesday 18 dec 2008, my colleague at office called me to meeting room n talk something, yeah i got bad news, i was terminate n my last day at office 31 dec. i'm ready actually because i know its will happen to me. i'm not sad n stress, because i believe all things happen hav the reason. i loved working at my company. i just wanna say thank very much to my best best friend at office, Nazdim, Haida n Farah. this 3 person always with me from morning until evening. not too late for me to say, i will miss triple
of u, especially nadzim n haida because his new person in my life, n farah actually is my senior at my university.

For nazdim, thanks for ur help every morning. Everyday i always got phone call from u. hahha now i realize ur call make me happy n smile every morning. thanks for friday pray, thanks for ur help at office.thanks for everything.i cant count here, how much it is.something good for u is, pls play our games last time at pop up, its good for u not to sleep anymore.

To haida, believe me u r good worker, dont come late to office, use the chance u hav to show everyone u can do the best from haida, love ur bf ok, i'm sure he love u too........we shared a lot at office, remember my poem ok ....hahhaha n also thanks helped me in English.

for farah, dont worry n sad ok, stay "comel" everyday n do work with good.we will chat again later when hav free time ok. i love ur work output at office, especially landscape, look real on plan

i feeling miss to buy nasi lemak/ breakfast to all of u later. yeah its nice memory for short time . only 4 month there n this photo i took a month ago but i never post here, i ready actually for this. hope all of u remember me.i learned a lot there. to everyone at sa architects, love ur energy, ur work style, ur effect of work, nice n great. superb for me in my life.i should say every name at office, at least i will still remember all of u, thanks to adah, farid, shariff, fakhrul, liza, nazim, farah, shazmie, rahman, shariman, winly, faiz, khairul, zainal, din, kak yati, zuhaimi, haida, intan.

now i must looking for new job to continue my life. i must strong. i wanna thanks also everyone close to me, robert, tj, patrick, sharifudin, nuno, alex,n qwho everyone know me.ur advise, ur opinion, ur suggestion gave me strength to me to continue this life. to my family, i'm still keep it as secret, i'm promise i will find the job asap, because i confident myself, if nothing happen, i will comeback to hometown...i miss all of u.thanks again to SA Architect, i enjoy there.thanks again gave me chance to work there.thanks to peggy account staff at office.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

lonely week, moody, n tired........

sometime we need time to think ourself, our life, n our future...but feeling bad n lonely

Sunday, December 14, 2008


Day after day, i felt something wrong n something happen to me.....i was think about that since a long time ago, but i quickly delete it because i dont want think much about that, let the day moving. its not about my health, its about relationship or friendship.i dont want talk about this, but i should take out this thing ,n i will not remember it anymore. but how? delete their phone number? not contact anymore? or just keep quite?

sometime smiling its not only a sign to show happy, many time i pretend to others with smiling but inside my heart i'm too hurt. one of my friend asking me, how u can smile long time? easy.....either u just open ur mouth n show the teeth or u smile with sincere. since a week ago, i can feel this thing, i try to say no long time ago......but i also lonely, no partner in kl which is understand me. i'm positive , i will positive always.but i must viligant every time, because i will get hurt again next time.

difficult for me to explain because its difficult feeling.maybe i just garbage n people can throw away, n also i just bus station, the bus come to me n left.maybe the bus always come but next time the bus not come anymore.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

new hat from friend

love is god's gift

i woke up early today, but lazy to take shower, after long holiday (3 off day). nobody at home, just clean room, iron the clothes n take shower.i don't want think about past day anymore....never. let it go.i arrived late at office because the bus came late(or i'm late), hahhah.then eat breakfast, doing office work. today i feel fresh,strong but a little hungry.still listen the same song, although its make me thinking the past, i'm stil want look at future.

what happen last night? hahaha. i'm mad Nuno, one of my friend at portugal. second, my friend, Chad at damansara. sharifuddin? just chat.......then i delete all the id in my msn n also yahoo, because i dont know them. too easy to delete it, but difficult to find good friend.

i just wanna say sorry to nuno and chad. i miss big no more spank ya.i always late thinking about myself.i realize what i want, its not a ticket to get it. people say, we planned it , but the God decide it. yeah, maybe u crazy to meet that person, but the truth is that person maybe bad for u. so i must put in my mind, i always the best. it is right? i dont care anymore about people around me.

last week i met someone, from our discussion, i like this sentence "love is God's gift" and "DON'T WISH FOR SUMTHING WHICH IS NOT YOURS"

love is God's gift
- honestly i always asking myself every second, every minute about love. look at people those hav gf n bf, sometime make me jealous.but do u realize, how much u try to find ur love, u never meet or found it. its all about life n God. The God will give u love when the right time came to u.

but i always think negative, how about someone waiting until 40 years?until he or she not strong anymore, she cant pregnant, or he can't get hard, or the skin not tight anymore..... the answer is maybe,

- he not love himself, so how he or she can love another person.
- love its not about sex,its about soul, spirit,attraction, n feeling

when someone in love,thats the God's gift for them,we cant buy it, force it,found it without permission from God. so always pray n ask from the God. no need to find it, just be relax, difficult for me.


its common to everyone in this world, always pretend to be someone. no need, just be urself n confident what u have.for example, when we saw a man /girl with nice face, sexy body, perfect, great car, much money....n so on, we always asking ourself....

-why i'm not be like him or her?
-why i'm not hav thats car?
-why i'm not rich like them?

but we forget, we should ask ourself, why u not work hard to get what he/ she hav? why not u go exercise to get body like u dream ?so thankfull what u hav n use n care what u hav with good n careful. hahhaha.i'm smiling.why i'm smiling? last time i hav friend from iraq, but he moved to germany n work there. so he hav great nose, sexy n nice.i love to pull nose actually. then i pulled his nose with strong, he screaming.....i said what happen?what wrong? r u pain? finally he swear he did cosmetic surgery at germany. i asked him why? he answered me.i wanna look better n great, so i work hard n make some surgery at face.finally i realize, typical people from iraq n iran hav big nose. hahahha. if u not believe , go n see.

so the moral of story.........the love is God's gift, so the time will come to u later. work hard n smart and thankful what u hav in this world. every one hav mind,why dont use it to get what u dream n wish , as long as dont change urself to be another person.

i'm happy this day

we never know what will happen for us at future, so everyone must be good n always think positive.i was rejected, hurted with many people last time, too much. now days, they come back to me, its like.....what i should say......

last time they not answer my call, also my sms,even use bad word to me. right now all changed, they come with sweet word, friendly.......n of course sympathy. for me i always try save my relationship especially every person i know. if i dont like or not interested i will explain with good n clear.i always say i appreciate ur message, but we not good match. so depend with everyone to accept or not. like i always mention in my blog is be honest. if u dont want me, wanna reject me,dont be quite, be gentleman n tell me. the god give us mouth to speak, so tell the truth.

this day, i hav good health, hav good friend, hav good family,, its enough for me. 20 days from now, i will become 24 years old. i must be mature in everything. no more childish.i know sometime we become pamper, n not mature, but we must remember sometime the hormons in our body not stable, so happy , be happy, n always happy. if i did mistake, pls let me know.if i did mistake, i will ask apologize.

last week, i cleaned my house n also my room. cleaned the cupboard....oh my god...too much clothes,i realize i was spent a lot money for more shopping. i still hav my t shirt when i 19 years old even 15 years old in my cupbard.all the shirt size is xl, even my pant 38 and 36. i dont know why, my mother n father always buy a big tshirt n big pant for me.maybe they know i hav something value.hahhaha

right now i wearing M or L size for t shirt n pant 32- thing prblm for me when i wanna buy pant is i hav big drumstik...hahhaa.i love short pant when i child, so for me its normal or common in my life. even i just wear it to shopping complex. not to be sexy, but easy to move.why i mention here? because i saw many people not comfortable when i wearing short pant when i go out.

talk about steward or cabin crew, something funny for me actually. i only told my sister at hometown about my interview, n i warned her dont tell everyone. i can cheat her, but i never do that, so be honest. then after i finished my interview, suddenly my father called me..oh my god, i listen at back my mom laughing with loudly.i'm sure my sister told them.the whole family know about that. i swear to my father n mom, what happen, n the reason i went to interview.... but suprisely, my mother said why not u become model, hahaha so funny....i told her, dont be crazy la.....i will never become model, just be a model for my family only. nice laughing with them, i miss them. thats why i miss rendang, actually only me like cooking rendang at home. i always stay at kitchen with my mom cooking together, even another sibling upstair watching tv. i love cooking. when i going back hometown, my mother always ask me to cook for the whole family.

maybe i'm homesick right now, i wanna go home this xmas, but i hav something to do until end of the about my work, everything o. i dont want think about recessation anymore. just look in front.

Monday, December 8, 2008

i'm bored at home..giordano model

just alone at home, thinking hometown....feeling rendang, no nasi ayam, feel regret not go hometown. i'm swear!!!!....i just stay at home, rainy outside,clean house, make laundry, i want sad, no shop open today, i'm bored go to midvalley because there is my office's place, i will get more bored later. try to find someone to talk, fun, laugh...but nothing at all. played the same song, finally i took this photo........i dont care people saying to me i'm crazy to put this photo,because nobody care me alone here. i always wish, at weekend i did something fun, benefit to me, but its seems everyone busy.i fed up with people around me those make me crazy........too much.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

selfish, childish, stubborn

talking about not qualified for interview, i knew myself actually. thats why my lovely friend told me, i'm selfish,childish n my word for myself is stubborn. hahahaha. yeah i love that. i was bad mood last night, maybe sad a little bit, lol.........then when my lovely friend told me "u r selfish n childish", i was suprised n shocked. then the funny things is was sign out from my yahoo chat,i breathe deep in my heart n sign in back, n continue chat with him. i say thanks, no more sad, no more moody. i'm happy. hhahaha

i dont know why,i'm not mad totally, but i'm just smiling until now. sorry if i'm selfish with myself to others. sorry too if i'm childish, hahaha. those wanna spank me later, i gave permission, lol hahahaha

i wake up today with nice sleep, clean house n will go to gym later n make laundry......but one thing i feel bad is, when we facing prblm n need or borrow shoulder to cry or share,they always not close with us.its life,people just come n go, even if u worst guy, u r just nut.

i love this sentence, i found from somewhere.

"one day you're gonna wake up n realize that i'm the guy for you,but at that point i'll be waking up next another person who already knew"

cronology of the week

i called this week as crazy week, many thing happen, some people give me support n some people very rude n try to make me down, except my lovely friend.

start on monday, i knew i'm still pain, pain of trust, believe n friendship. sometime its crazy n sometime make me strong. i know i lost someone important to me. not important but someone who care me b4, love me,n always make me happy.when someone love u , they will mad if u did something wrong.....thats important.i hate with this thing,,pls no sweet word, no promises, even if u late or make poeple waiting to meet, sms n let the person know, what happen to u,where r u now, even u on bed with someone. be honest

i'm happy on tuesday because finally i met someone i'm waiting for a long time.yeah ,its like miracle,no word to say here, but i always put in myself just enjoy, no intention,no sweet word n the important is use the chance u hav with good.

at same time , i fight with myself to went interview or not,n very busy with office work, n also the most important reduce my weight at gym, hahahaa. i always set in my mind for this weeek. a little bit tired but i'm ok. i bought new clothes for interview, my computer hav prblm,my shoesbroken, even my handphone too, its like the dark cloudy always follow me anywhere i go.

many people give me support,especially sharifudin n robert. only they know about my interview......b4 i tell to others. i knew i will fail, but try something new its thursday, its busy day, no time to take photo for interview, n rush for office work. then at same time i facing second prblm, those know about it....haahaha u r lucky.

so friday i just finish all my work b4 long holiday, print the photo for interview, n still confuse wanna go to interview or not. i fight with myself about 2 thing actually, finally on Saturday i lost that 2 thing at same time.

i never regret to interview, i'm happy for that, but i mad n stress for 2nd prblm in my life.its crazy thing, stupid n just waste the time. i thought i can be happy n fun, i choose for interview 1st as my career life but i'm failed. i give commitment with job at office, also interview n at same time for 2nd prblm.still make me bad.

then after finish interview, i was mad n i'm tired actually. then someone rude, stupid, distrub me with sms. since a long time ago, i'm asking him , who r u? until now he play games with m,. thats why i'm mad with the text gave to me. its crazy even u tell me i'm ur friend. u never know with who u talking or sms.i try to not sms but as human i should reply to clear everything about me. no word to say to those people like this. i need time to be calm down, finally i just sleep at home.

n again i got experience in my life, singapore airlines n qatar airways.i love that, i know i'm not qualified, but run from my scope of work, its make me love nice if hav chance to travel..

Friday, December 5, 2008

the life seems become difficult to me

since a week ago, i cant sleep well. i dont know, what i can say here. sometime, we can share everything, sometime not. i must realize, every single person in front me, only for a short time.they come when the like n interested with me, n go when they get bored with me also people got what they want.

i dont want share my prblm anymore, because its will show my weakness, my bad thing, and also maybe annoying people.stand on my own ffot ,its better. believe our ownself, confident, positive,its will help me. i hope

but as human we need company. i'm lonely all the time.i cant sleep because i'm lonely,try to find good friend, but its seem imposibble.i'm tired with life.i know i should not waiting, or hunting, but i need to talk, i need to be loved, i need to be close with someone i like. at least i hav vision in my desperate to hav good life.

no word to say

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

unrated photo

since yesterday, i become more patient and thinking a lot.but unbelievable, my phone hurting too. i dont know why, maybe my phone, knew me better. i saw a shape like eyes at screen,then day after day,i saw like a tears move at 2 side. oooh, my lovely phone.i'm ok but i'm more worry about my phone.hahhaaha. i'm happy with my life.

" when you leave someone, who you think is good for u, u will meet someone who is the best for u"

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

the last kiss-tribute to ex lovely friend

when i wake up from the dark night

i try to find something i lost

but i realize,i will never found it anymore.

i saw a light behind the door

i wish u was there,


then my tears moving, hot,warm

crying in the night

i cant stop anymore......

i still remember ur smile

I can still feel ur hot hug,

i feel ur hot kiss, and also

ur hand on my shoulder

last time, when i wake up from sleep

i saw ur face, touch ur nose,

play ur eye brow, i bite ur ears

n i smile......

then u wake up, suddenly u hugging me tight

u kiss me, u warm me

i'm drowning in fake love

u serve me well,

u care me well,

do u still remember?

i bring u walk around n i saw ur smile,

n i put my hand on ur shoulder

its already make me happy

i never care people look at us

i never care people think about us

only want happy with u with the time i hav

i never ask anything from u

i only want u to think of me

my kindness, my honest heart,

n every inch of my body

i'm poor guy, i only can offer u my rich smile,

my sweetest word n benefit for u,

my gold of time,

my delicious body

my luxuries kiss

and my honest heart

but that night is the last night for me

i just sit at corner n see u from far,

u called me many time n sms me

then i come n meet u,

n again i'm hidden myself

n again u call me, i come to u n smile to u

u mad at me, u look sweet that night

in that place, i count every second in my handphone.

i just sit at corner n count the time

n i say, please end of this thing faster

everyone become crazy like in the hell

the hell of bullshit, and lying

10 second b4 the time finish,

i saw u moving,

like the wind blow the coconut tree

then many bird stop on the tree's branches

n only one bird, open the wing, crawlers the tree

n bite the tree

from the corner, i'm smiling,

i'm not feeling bad,

i'm not jealous,

then u catch some of the bird

n we sit down some where n bird singing,

u see deep in my eyes, n me too

i seen memory,a memory i will never forget

then i'm just smile at the corner,

n i gave u space for u to listen that song

because u never listen thats song b4

later u will listen everyday that song

only one bird can singing well,but look proud

then u choose to take back home that bird

i'm continue smiling,

but one of ur friend not agree with that

because the bird will mess ur house

u still want that

then we moving back home,

the bird still singing,singing n singing

i just sit in front n u sit behind with the bird

the bird still singing,

n i just look outside of car

i saw many light,

many light in my life, i never seen b4

then i look to ur others friend,

driving the car but the eyes look at centre mirror

i dont hav mirror to see

i only mirror of my life, i never look behind

but i listen the bird still singing

then i arrived at my place, i open the door,

but u catch my hand..

n u pull my head......

then u gave me THE LAST KISS

i close the door, walking n i never look behind

i'm not cry, because i see many light b4,

i mirror myself, n i love myself

i realize how much u make me happy b4

i know how much u care me b4

if i hav chance to born again

i wanna be someone which is u'll never find others

now i left u forever

i know its hard decision

i know its stupid decision

i gave u space, big space

to let u know, i'm the best for u

because i know, i'm the best for myself

to let u know, i'm the best for u

because i know, i'm the best for yourself

to let u know, i'm the best for u

because i know, i'm the best for everyone